English - Writing
Learning Intention - write an interesting description of a familiar setting.
Success Criteria (co-constructed with Rm03)
Introduction: Don’t give away the setting, leave some suspense. Only give clues.
Makes an ordinary place sounds interesting.
Gives a clear image – appeal to the readers 5 senses.
Use of accurate adjectives and verbs.
Use a thesaurus to find accurate vocabulary to describe what you want to say.
Show not tell – for example, I’m lying on a trampoline would not be as effective.
Specific mentioned – the small things are important.
Flows well – paragraphs link together.
A great writing activity to do with students in order to teach them descriptive writing techniques is to have them write about their favourite place. Everyone will have a different type of favourite place, some will be in tranquil settings and others love the hustle and bustle of public areas. However, you would find that we enjoy going to our favourite places when we are both filled with joy and under stress.
Begin by taking the time to write about your own favourite place - it does not have to be long (my one is very possibly too long) - and use this as a model in the class in front of your student critics. Immediately discuss what makes it a good descriptive piece, (you may have to pry for responses if they are quiet, I actually split the class in to groups to find what I could smell, feel, hear and see) and/or what could be improved (yes, you are vulnerable to scrutiny). From the discussion, a quick list of success criteria could be written (co-construction taking place).
Once you are happy with the success criteria that you can refer back to later in the learning process, students can go away to write their own pieces. You may choose to start with a generic half sentence to get them going, or nothing at all (you may give this to some of your lower level writers). Stop them periodically over the writing process to self and peer evaluate introduction, paragraphs and 5 senses. I like to have my students highlight sentences that they particularly like and then have their partner highlight another sentence in a different colour and then a comment that says why they like it - linked to the success criteria preferably.
Here is my example text that I used as a model. Even though they were slow to get going, my students did pretty well in creating success criteria.
MY FAVOURITE PLACE (needs a better title)
I wake up. It’s midday, but the black surface pressed hard against and marking my face does it’s best to make me reconsider. I turn myself over on the black canvas. I have to bounce ever so slightly to wrangle my leg from underneath me. Lying on my back now, I squint for a brief moment as shards of unfeeling sunrays dazzle my eyes even through my long dishevelled hair. It’s not easy to wake from complete peace and black to the shrieking white of the sun beaming down from directly above – but this is my favourite place.
As my pupils dilate, now accustomed and growing fond of the light of day, I remember where I am and breathe in the fragrance of summer. I quickly orient myself on the back lawn of my house in Bucklands Beach. Second only to the comical, puffy clouds above, I spot the tin roof of my house where birds are squabbling over some food. To my left, a green fence of bush lines the edge of my grassy ‘soccer field’. My favourite umbrella tree accompanies them and has shed a number of yellow leaves now shrivelled dry brown in the heat. Lastly, I lean right and capture a picturesque scene of bobbing boats on mirror-like water with townships dotted along rolling land staring back from the horizon afar. Mighty Rangitoto also shares the landscape keeping guard of all it’s off shore inhabitants.
The sun’s heat keeps my movement to a minimum; fresh waves of warmth dizzy me and tighten my skin. Furthermore, my eyes are still heavy after my sleep. All I can do is lie, watch and listen. No more than one metre below me, through the stretched mesh that elevates me from the ground, I hear a cricket chirp loudly and then struggle through thick grass. I imagine this mini beast in its vast world of green spiked grass and am reminded of days rolling in this same grass playing soccer with my brother or other mates. The malicious grass always leaves me sticky, grubby, and uncomfortably itchy yet satisfied with the commitment to endure the full Kiwi summer experience. As I imagine this, I actually pick up a dense aroma of grass but I shake my head and smirk. A few flips on the tramp earlier, fulfilled my exercise exertion capacity for the day and I was no longer up for anymore of that tomfoolery.
The longer I lie there, the more in tune I become with nature. I pretend to fly with the clouds above, following the fastest ones with my eyes and witnessing the transformation of its shape from one animal to another. Suddenly, a stiff breeze soars past, sending goosebumps up my uncovered feet and calves. The wind, the faint tinkling of pots from the kitchen, and the soft whiff of dinner, suggested that I had been lying out here for a long time. Sure enough, I see the blue-sky tint, as the sun starts to dip down close to the tall Skytower on the horizon.
I lift myself up swiftly and make sure of my footing. I take a few joyful jumps, springing to a safe height to say a warm farewell to my favourite place and then make one large leap clearing the steel bar and landing on the hard ground. It sends a shock through my legs and I helplessly collapse to the ground with as much grace as I can manage. I pick myself up one more time and sprint inside. I can’t help but scratch. The grass got to me afterall – I’ve had the full Kiwi summer experience. Bliss.
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